Have you ever felt your words get twisted into something you never intended? Maybe you said something you didn’t know was offensive. Or someone completely misinterpreted what you said. Perhaps now you’re so afraid to say the wrong thing, that you say nothing at all. As an Organizational Development Consultant, I’ve seen these situations play out countless times. It’s like a bad game of telephone, but with feelings and misunderstandings.
Human interactions are inherently complex and prone to misunderstandings. Conflicts and miscommunications are inevitable when people work together. And far too often, our intentions get lost in translation especially over text or email. Saying, “I didn’t mean to offend you” or “that’s not what I meant” does not erase the hurt or confusion. We must understand that positive intent does not minimize the negative impact. But carefully scripting everything you say because you’re too afraid to say the wrong thing can make it impossible to get anything done. So, what’s the secret to navigating these tricky waters? Consider these strategies from both perspectives of a misunderstanding:
- Be impeccable with your word. Let’s start with the basics: think before you speak. As Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us in The Four Agreements, our words have the power to create and to destroy. So, be mindful of what you say. Consider how your words might be interpreted by others. Do they align with your values? Are they respectful and considerate? Take a moment to pause and reflect before you hit send or say something out loud. At Compass, we say your first word should be your breath. It’s a small investment of time that can make a big difference to make sure your intent will match your impact. And certainly, consider that old saying, ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’. It’s still golden advice.
- Empathize, don’t defend. When the unfortunate happens and you’ve said or done something hurtful, the first instinct might be to justify your actions or blame others. Instead, focus on understanding the other person’s perspective. Put yourself in their shoes. What might they have been feeling or thinking in that moment? Ask questions, listen actively, and try to see things from their perspective. Remember, the goal is not to prove you were right, but to understand the impact of your words or actions.
- Acknowledge the disconnect and apologize sincerely. When you’ve made a mistake, be honest about it. Admit that your actions had an unintended negative impact. This shows that you take responsibility and care about the situation. A genuine apology can go a long way in repairing the relationship. Express your regret and apologize for any harm caused, even if it was unintentional. Let the other person know that you understand how your actions made them feel and that you’re sorry for it.
As in any relationship, whether personal or at work, it takes two to tango. While we should strive to avoid saying or doing offensive things, the reality is, it happens. And when you’re on the receiving end, you too can take steps to de-escalate the situation.
- Don’t take things personally. The second of Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. Ruiz explains that we all live in our own unique reality. When someone says or does something hurtful, it’s often a reflection of their own internal struggles, not a personal attack on you. Don’t let their words or actions impact your reality. Instead, step back and take a deep breath. Ask yourself, ‘Is this really about me?’
- Consider the Intent. While we know that good intention doesn’t negate the unfortunate impact, before we jump to conclusions, we can try to understand where someone might be coming from. Maybe they truly didn’t realize how hurtful their words or actions were. Instead of making judgements, lean into curiosity. Ask questions, listen carefully, and try to see things from their point of view. Remember, the goal isn’t to prove who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding what someone was trying to communicate.
- Share the feedback. If someone said or did something that bothers you, it’s important to let them know. You wouldn’t want to walk around feeling misunderstood or causing unintentional harm. Try calling-in vs. calling-out. Instead of publicly calling someone out, which will likely lead to defensiveness, call someone in to have a private conversation. Something like, “Help me to understand your perspective or provide me more context around your thoughts” to avoid misunderstanding. It’s important to share your feedback of how their statements made you feel. This approach can help someone learn and grow.
This certainly isn’t an all-inclusive list. However, by following these guidelines, we can effectively navigate miscommunications and build stronger relationships within our organizations. Remember it is not about avoiding mistakes entirely. It’s about learning from them and fostering a culture of understanding and empathy.
For more information about effective communication strategies and managing workplace conflict, contact us at info@wearecompass.com
